Your apartment has the perfect balcony view or rooftop for golden hour. Or maybe your geraniums are the best on the block, and the deck is freshly pressure-washed. Either situation, combined with the casual vibe summer creates, might produce the urge to assemble a group of friends.
But the thought of hosting can be overwhelming and anxiety-producing. And for good reason. The psychological and social dynamics of gathering people in your personal space is fertile ground for seeds of insecurity and inadequacy to take root. Recognizing those feelings and planning how to navigate them can mitigate the stress of hosting and produce a more enjoyable experience.
Chief among the list of entertaining stressors is perfectionism. But a great gathering doesn’t require meticulous planning, exquisite food and flawless execution.
Calm, a company that produces clinical programs to address mental health challenges, identifies that feeling as guest stress syndrome. The condition, which is not a clinical diagnosis, describes feeling frightened about what should be a pleasurable, social event.
It includes fearing that the outcome of the event is linked to your self worth, that guests will judge your home, the food and the level of fun. Additionally, entertaining inherently involves emotional and physical labor – feeling responsible for guests’ comfort and enjoyment as well as pre-party cleaning, decorating, shopping and cooking.
Understandably, the thought of hosting can make you feel more stressed than social, no matter how badly you want to do it.
These seven tips might take off the edge and help you feel ready to entertain.
Give yourself time
Just because the weather will be perfect this weekend, that doesn’t mean that the party must happen that soon. Take the time to plan and determine how to implement six more stress-reducing suggestions.
Keep the menu simple
Don’t try an elaborate spread or a dish you’ve never cooked before. No matter how delicious or easy that Pinterest recipe looks, stick to the tried and true of what you do. Alternately, assemble a charcuterie board, make it a potluck or serve takeout.
Decorate with candles
Skip the pressure of making or buying centerpieces or thinking of the perfect theme and color scheme. Set out candles, strike a match and voila! Instant ambience.
Environmental psychologist Sally Augustin says there’s an added benefit to this decor choice. “Research shows that the dim-ish, warm light that results when you light candles and fireplaces increases the likelihood that people will be in a relaxed positive mood and get along well with each other,” she wrote in “Psychology Today.” Everyone wants that at a social gathering.
Delegate
Don’t make every aspect of the gathering your responsibility. Ask the music lover to curate a playlist. Check to see if the friend who lives near the bakery can pick up the dessert you ordered. Identify the Monica Geller in your friend group, and find out if she’s available to help you tidy up before the party. She’s yearning for that call.
Pre-batch cocktails and mocktails
Remove the pressure and cost of purchasing a wide variety of adult beverages and fretting about honing mixology skills to make an assortment of drinks.
Curate a non-judgey group
Invite the friends who just want to be with you and each other and who don’t care about dusty furniture. “Psychology Today” offers suggestions on how to deal with people who seem to go through life wearing a black robe and brandishing a gavel. But there isn’t a need to do that.
Instead, determine what cleaning is essential – such as the kitchen and bathroom – and what’s not, like strip waxing the floor or dusting door frames. Then assemble the crew who loves winning at Tapple more than critquing your tapas.
Let it flow and be flexible
Don’t try to control every aspect of the event. If the group is enjoying chilling and chatting, don’t feel compelled to redirect them to an activity just because you pre-planned a game or movie. Roll with it, and feel the stress roll away.
